Heart, Fist, Strength, Compassion

I've read two excellent books by Eric Greitens this summer- The Heart and the Fist: The Education of a Humanitarian, the Making of a Navy Seal and Strength and Compassion. 

I was deeply moved by both books and now that it's time to write, I find myself at a loss for where to begin.

What most stands out to me now weeks later is his belief that it is through service to others that we find our true strength.  And that victims have dignity and strength and courage and hope, too, which the larger community can help them reclaim.

In his description of the Navy Seal selection process which involves extreme physical and mental challenges, I was struck by the similarities to my rape, torture, and strangulation as a child.  One marked difference is that the Seal candidates could opt out at any time by ringing a bell three times.  I never had that bell.  Wish I had.  Comparing their feelings about their initiation and my feelings about what I would call their voluntary torture was instructive.  They felt pride and accomplishment.  I felt that they were fools to willingly subject themselves to flesh-eating bacteria and hypothermia and burst eardrums.  Young, testosterone-hyped idiots.  I had to keep reminding myself that choosing this as an adult with the ability to opt out at any time is a challenge while enduring it as a trapped child is torture.  Gave me a new self-respect for my survival as a three year old.

Eric is so articulate, thoughtful, and well-read on top of being so incredibly physically resilient, that I find myself alternately admiring and envying him.

He gave voice to stirrings in my soul which I had been previously unable to articulate.  I reread the photo essay book several times and wept through his deep insights into suffering and dignity and hope.  I have never heard anyone so exactly capture my experience of living on after everything and everything.  I am astounded that such incredible depths of truth about life after rape and torture come from a young, strong man who has not been the victim.   

To me this is grace- that a young, strong man was given healing truth into the reality of suffering and then found a way to give this back to me as a gift to help me find my strength.

Amazing.