Kindness for myself

I've been feeling particularly impatient with myself this last couple months, wishing I could simply power through my struggles and get over it- over the pain, over the weight, over the fear, over the medical expenses, over the infections.
Then, I read this website which deeply moved me and I realized that many people who have been abused like I have never heal. At all. But I have. I am not remedial; I am miraculous. And this has given rise to deepening kindness for myself and deepening gratitude for those who've made it possible.
I am anticipating writing about my journey and my faithful companions in my 40th Birthday Art Show blog soon. I never tire of recounting this goodness.

Getting what I wanted for Christmas

Last Sunday at church the choir was singing Every Valley Shall Be Exalted from Handel's Messiah and I was wishing I could hear the Halleluia Chorus which wasn't in the program. I started wondering if I'd have some time to go in the next week and hear it before Christmas and concluded that I wouldn't. Bummer. But then, at the end of the sermon, they played this. I stood with tears streaming down my face.

Listened to it again today and I was so moved by how happy I am and how much I'm enjoying my life. My theme for 2010 which seemed ridiculous this time last year was "Living deeply into my own life and my own body is pleasure." Yet, here I am living with so much pleasure that when I heard this song again today, I threw my hands up in the air with tears streaming down my face from the sheer unexpected happiness.

Yesterday in Uptown

It was snowing and I was driving slower than the woman walking two Afghan hounds was walking. So I had plenty of time to check out the bumper sticker and of course now I can't find a visual on the internet when I search. The bumper sticker said,

I support some-sex marriages

This sets me to grinning every time I think about it.
Tim and I listened to an excellent series of lectures on male sexuality which led to interesting discussions and have informed my thinking. Having always been pro-sex in marriage myself, I am now a staunch supporter.
Hey, Tim, could you provide a link to those lectures for me in comments?

My quilt

This week, I mailed my quilt off to Missouri to be finished. It was like sending my child off for kindergarten or something. I packed it, taped the old cardboard box with duct tape, and hit the post office. I expect it back in January 2011 in time to be in my art show.
After a decade and everything and everything, I can't believe the next time I see it, it will be done.
Wow.

A few good things

Read my sister's blog and got inspired. Here are a few goodies I've been enjoying.

Women, Food, and God- great book. Very thought provoking.

Grace and Peace- Have appreciated this song for years but couldn't find it again and then a friend sent me the info today. Enjoy.

Conspiracy- A movie which I have a hard time finding the right adjective for. It's a 2 hour long meeting of Nazis deciding how to solve The Jewish Problem- based on actual minutes of real meeting. Very thought provoking and eerily reminiscent in style to business meetings I've sat in.

Finally, my new fall recipe of the month: Pumpkin Butter.

Set oven to 350. Cut pumpkins or squash in half.
Bake pumpkins or squash cut side down until fork pierces easily.
Discard seeds.
Scoop flesh into pot on low heat. Let simmer gently on low heat, stirring frequently.
Add a little maple syrup to taste.
Add a little alcohol if you've got it- either a teaspoon or two of vanilla or a little white wine.*
Add pumpkin pie spices to taste (cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, ginger, allspice)
Add a teaspoon or two of butter.*
Salt lightly to taste.
Simmer and stir until it is the consistency of apple butter, adding a little water if needed.

Use it over angel food cake or in oatmeal or with vanilla yogurt or mix in granola or put it on toast or muffins- pretty much use your imagination. It is fantastic- warm and fragrant and satisfying.

** Both fats and alcohol carry flavor so adding a little will really ramp up the flavor.

Have a good day and enjoy!