Mutually Assured Dysfunction

Mutually Assured Dysfunction. This is what happens when 2 dysfunctional groups collide. It has begun in my neighborhood. Family A and Family B both live on our block. We all began getting to know each other when the snow thawed and our girls began to play together daily. There have been barbecues and invitations to birthday parties and babysitting requests and visits to apartments and sugar snacks flying back and forth at a rapid rate.

Anjali felt left out because she never made a barbecue since a parent never contacted us and they happened after our 7:00 p.m. yard closing/curfew. She begged to go into their homes and requested one of the older girls be her sitter, too. And Mom, couldn't you be flexible about the ice cream man and the freezies and the snack runs to Super America and the pop and the ...

Nope. Not much for flexibles here. I repeatedly explained that we didn't know them or their families while silently reflecting on my block leader's email about their 16 year-old being investigated by the police. I stood firm by our policy that we don't go into neighbor's houses nor allow them into ours. Tim or I attended every party with Anjali and Mark. We bought her a watch and she set the timer to check in every few minutes. We repeatedly kicked kids off the trampoline for violations or closed the yard for the day or locked up the share bikes in the garage. Anjali and I discussed whether the people were trustworthy or not and why we didn't eat so many sugar snacks and how she felt about her friend bragging about lying to her mom or about finding no parents home and all the girls outside playing in the alley.

From my perspective the MAD vibe amplified as I heard stories second-hand. There was the call to the police by Family A regarding a member of Family B at one of these barbecues. And the email from the block leader regarding the Mom of Family B sometimes seeming "strange" and unpredictable. Money from older brothers offered to little girls and then taken back. Early morning mom-to-mom phone calls insisting on compliance to previous requests.

And it isn't even summer vacation yet, people.

But still, she regularly said, "Mom, I feel left out. It's so tough. Everyone else is eating sugar snacks and going to the barbecue and I can't. And they get to stay outside until dark and they can visit each others' rooms. And..."

Until Sunday afternoon, two days ago. Two days ago she came home and out of the blue said, "Mom, the neighbors are copying us." When asked to elaborate, she explained that Family A no longer drinks pop, Family B no longer allows their daughter into the other family's home, and that both families are talking about a one sugar snack a day limit.

"I'm really glad to hear they are making some healthy changes," I explained, "But I am even more glad that you see the value in what we're doing. And it's good to know that moms get to be right once in a while."

With a big smile and getting the humor, she replied, "Once in a while," reset her timer, and went back to play.

As I write this, I can hear my dad saying, "Hang firm, Amy, hang firm. Win now while she's 8 so you don't have to fight this when she's 18."

It is good to be right sometimes, friends. And it is even better when my girl knows I am.