Job and Job's Friends

I married a man who has pondered Job for all of our married life and consequently, I've been pondering Job, too.  Back in my mid-20's when I became chronically ill, Job and his story took on special meaning.  Job's friends blamed Job for his suffering, claiming it was all his fault and that he should admit his wrong and take his consequences like a man.  Job meanwhile knew he was innocent, refused to take the blame, marched to God's door, deposited the responsibility for his suffering there, and demanded a hearing.  His friends were appalled and thus begins a 40 chapter long argument between Job and his friends which ends with an incredible flourish when God shows up in a storm, tells Job to man up, and reveals His glory.  Job answers, sits down, shuts up and winds up with greater blessing.

I kid you not.  That's the story.  I find myself trying to type this, shaking my head with my face all scrunched up, like, "Really?!?  Really?!?"

I try to type on and I wind up hands in the air, gesturing, confused.  From who-do-you-think-you-are to sit-down-and-shut-up to make-offerings-and-pray-for-forgiveness-for-your-friends to twice-as-wealthy-with-beautiful-daughters-who-inherit-with-the-sons.  Wow.

I've gotta say that whoever wrote this, he had suffered and suffered and suffered and then after everything and everything he'd been blessed again because my own suffering and blessing process have been wacky and unpredictable, too.  I took courage from Job and marched right to God with my anger and disappointment and cries for justice and God answered me, too, with who He is and I am satisfied.  I'm standing on that threshold of blessing and I need Job to inspire and encourage me to receive the blessings, to accept the good life.



Lately I've been reflecting on Job's friends.  These are the guys who came and sat with Job after he'd lost all his wealth, all his children, and all his health and happiness.  Don't even remember their names.  Let's see... ah, yes, Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar.  Here's the text if you want to take a look.  They started out strong- lots of silent companionship, weeping, sitting in the ashes for 7 days.  Then Job speaks and Eli speaks and Job rebuts and then... 35 chapters worth.  When I was suffering, I had a special beef with Eli, Billy, and Zo.  Did they really think that all this blah-blah-blah was helpful?  Arguing with the sufferer?  Not helpful.  And to back up my point, I connected this to the punchline when God declares the friends wrong, Job right, and Job prays on their behalf and gets all the blessings.  See- told you so.  The sufferer was right and the friends should have kept their mouths shut.

Now, however, I find my vantage point changing as I am recast into the role of Job's friend. My best efforts at comfort are feeble and my "help" really isn't.  I am strangely impressed by these guys sitting silently in the ashes with their buddy for 7 days.  Talk about love and an ability to attend to someone else's sorrow.  My effective range is much shorter despite my earnest desires.  And even after everything I've learned as Job, I say too much or too little, too soon or too late, fumbling and conflicted.  I find myself more appreciative of Billy, Zo, and Eli for even trying.  Trying and failing fairly spectacularly surely but still giving it their best shot. 

I look back with new eyes and wonder how many of the people I have felt have insulted or abandoned me gave me their best shot.  I have felt that my friends and family should have engaged more, tried harder, felt worse with me.  Somehow their best should have been better.  Now I wonder.

Nothing and no one could have helped me like I wanted.  I know that no amount of their effort would have unrung the bell of evil ringing in my life.  No amount of feeling bad would have helped me feel better.  No extreme loyalty on their part would have undone my own betrayal of myself.  But even knowing that, even knowing it was their best, didn't make it better.  Even knowing that my co-dependence and my dysfunction were making me too crazy to bear, even that didn't make it better.  Maybe nothing really does but God speaking from the storm in the fullness of time.  

I am no longer surprised that so many people distanced themselves to keep my chaos from swamping them. I see why Laura needed her space and why so few people called.  Illness is boring and chaos is frightening and no sane person wants to stand too close to someone's who's screaming at God.  It's still my story and it's still a sad story and yet I can see it differently.  I was overwhelmed and bored and terrified by my suffering and it was mine.  Not theirs.  I would have loved to escape my life but no such luck.  I thought them cowards but now I see that I would have done the same if I could.   Perhaps this is what makes me feel so lonely in my suffering- I'm the only one who can't leave.

I also feel even more amazed that anyone at all stayed.  Job is not an easy person to live with.  And yet, so many helped and others came back when they could.

Tim deserves a medal.  I know how hard it is to be with me sometimes.  And it was a lot of sometimes in a row there for a while.  The fact that we've grown up and grown together after everything and everything is miraculous.  My respect and trust for Tim have aged like wine into this full-bodied happiness I couldn't even conceive of at 22 when I said 'I do.'  Miraculous.  Should be immortalized in song or long-winded free form poem or something.  He's my hero.

Then, there's Ginger.  She deserves a parade.  She made me laugh week after week, year after hard year.  We sick people are a tough audience but her zest for life overcame.  She never rolled her eyes saying, "You again?" no matter how many times I called asking for help.  This is incredible.  I was boring; I was there, I know.  I circled the same spot on the outline of the little guy on her intake sheet like every visit for 7 years.  Seriously.  And she never gave up and her optimism never failed and she taught me to listen to myself and helped me feel better every visit for 200+ visits in a row.  I hope to someday be a fraction as healing as she is although I've done the ridiculous thing of asking God to give me a double portion. 

Sheila believed in my future good.
Joe kicked my ass with a joke on his lips.
Tara helped me come a long way back for myself.
Jen lead the way to happiness.
Pastor Peggy helped me find the road home.
Pastor Vicki was fond of me.
Laura showed me how to choose myself.
Shannon created a sacred space and kept seeing Jesus.
Emily catapulted me to a better life.
My mom persisted.
Megan brought depth and insight.
Angela asked great questions with even greater heart.

All of these people were free to walk on without me. 
But they didn't.

Job got the free form poem.
I got grace.